ScrapSayings, Retired Life

  • Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

  • As time goes by / marches on.

  • As you get older, your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

  • At my age, one must ration ones excitement. - Downton Abbey

  • At my age, sometimes I stop to think, … then I forget and have to start all over again

  • Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.

  • The Autumn of Life

  • Beautiful young people are acts of nature, but beautiful old people are works of art to be treasured.

  • The best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.

  • A Blast from the past.

  • By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

  • Can't smile without you!! (someone without their teeth in or many missing)

  • Cherish yesterday, dream of tomorrow, live for today

  • Do/Learn something new everyday.

  • Entering the metallic years
    --Silver in my hair
    --Gold in my teeth
    --Lead in my pants

  • Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

  • Everything old is new again.

  • Forget health food. I'm at an age where I need all the preservatives I can get.

  • The future ain't what it used to be. - Yogi Berra

  • Gather ye rose-buds while ye may; Old Time is still a-flying, And this same flower that smiles today, Tomorrow will be dying. - Robert Herrick

  • Genuine Old GEEZER … seen it all-done it all!!

  • George Carlin's views on aging:

    Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions. "How old are you?" "I'm four and a half!" You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key. Then you get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead. "How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16!" You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life You become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony. YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!! But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed? You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, and then you'rePUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 and your dreams are gone. But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would! So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60. You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! You get into your 80's and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn't end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; "I Was JUST 92." Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. "I'm 100 and a half!" May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!

  • GONE Campin'/Fishin'/Golfin'/Nappin'/Sailin'/Singin'

  • Goodbye Tension, Hello Pension

  • Grandmother's Lace- Old Buttons- Bits of thread and yarn from long ago

  • Growing Older
    When I was in my younger days, I weighed a few pounds less,
    I needn't hold my tummy in to wear a belted dress.
    But now that I am older, I've set my body free;
    There's the comfort of elastic… Where once my waist would be.
    Inventor of those high-heeled shoes… My feet have not forgiven;
    I have to wear a nine now, But used to wear a seven.
    And how about those pantyhose, they're sized by weight, you see,
    So how come when I put them on the crotch is at my knee?
    I need to wear these glasses… As the print's been getting smaller;
    And it wasn't very long ago I know that I was taller.
    Though my hair has turned to gray and my skin no longer fits,
    On the inside, I'm the same old me, It's the outside's changed a bit.

  • Growing Older By Design
    When you see me
    Sitting quietly like a sack
    Left on a shelf
    Don't think I need
    Your chattering
    I'm listening to myself.
    At first the seasons arrive
    Slowly dragging themselves
    Over our wishes for a hasty departure
    Ebbing slowly, staying, hovering
    Above our lives
    Like heavy clouds
    Each threatening to remain
    Past its appointed time
    Giving way, grudgingly
    To another year
    Which promises to be even
    Slower, more tedious
    "Wait two months
    Until summer"
    Two whole months?
    Then summer
    Will never come
    "Wait two months
    Until Christmas"
    Two whole months?
    Then Christmas
    Will never come
    Childhood lasts a lifetime
    Hear it dragging its drum
    Across the floor
    Then there is a subtle increase
    In the march
    We welcome the acceleration
    We snap our fingers
    And match the tempo,
    We are in joint,
    This is our time,
    Our muscles and bones
    Our eyes and skin
    Are at last one with
    The space we are living in
    The heart's steady hum
    Quickly changes again
    The tempo speeds ahead
    Our efforts are vain
    To slow down the train
    Of life's racing ways
    Taking our youth
    And shortening our days
    They remember our bright plumage
    Now thinning and grey
    Youth wags its heads
    Sadly saying
    We have had our day
    When you see me walking slowly
    And my feet won't find the stair
    I will only ask one favor
    Don't bring me a rocking chair
    The pace has heightened again
    And the blood slows
    In our veins
    Slackened by age
    We may stumble
    And fumble and fall
    We exchanged our place with time
    For it races like light
    Down a darkened hall
    Please stop
    Do not pity me
    Please hold your sympathy
    Understanding if you've got it
    Otherwise I will do without it
    When you see me moving slower
    Don't study and get it wrong
    Tired does not mean lazy
    And each good bye is not gone
    I am the same person
    I was back then
    A little less hair
    A little less chin
    Some less lung
    And much less wind
    I count myself lucky
    I can still breathe in.
    Hold, stop.
    Don't pity me.
    Written by Maya Angelou, in September 2008, in honor of the 50th anniversary of the AARP.

  • Growing older is a pain in the …
    __ Neck
    __ Shoulder
    __ Elbow
    __ Hip
    __ Knee
    __ Back
    __ All of the Above

  • Grumpy Old Men / Grumpier Old Men

  • The hands of Time

  • Heirloom

  • How To Stay Young

    1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is what you pay them for.

    2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.

    3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. 'An idle mind is the devil's workshop.' And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.

    4. Enjoy the simple things.

    5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

    6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.

    7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

    8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

    9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.

    10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

    And ALWAYS REMEMBER: life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. We all need to live life to its fullest each day!! - George Carlin

  • I guess I better get busy on that `HONEY DO LIST' I never had time for!

  • I have learned from your love, been motivated by your spirit and changed by your life.

  • I just want to know who keeps hiding my glasses and my car keys?

  • I like dreams of the future better than the history of the past. - Thomas Jefferson

  • I may be old, but I got to see all the great bands.

  • I want to be so distracted loving my life that I never realize how old I'm getting.

  • I wish I knew then, What I know now, That I just forgot!

  • I would be unstoppable if I could just get started.

  • I'm not going gray; I'm going platinum.

  • I'm not old I'm a vintage year.

  • I'm O.C.D. - Old, Cranky, and Disgusted / Disgusting

  • I'm RETIRED; I'm not dead!

  • I'm so busy now, how did I ever find the time to work 8 hours a day?

  • I'm so far over the hill I'm coming up the next rise.

  • I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.
    I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life.
    I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as making a "life".
    I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.
    I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back.
    I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.
    I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.
    I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.
    I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.
    I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

    This is oftenfalsely attributed to Maya Angelou, but I'm sure she didn't write it. I don't know who did.

  • If I could turn back /the hands of/ time (clock)

  • If my dreams could all come true paradise/retirement would be - in a little bungalow - somewhere by the sea.

  • If you only look at what is, you might never attain what could be.

  • It was a vintage time.

  • It's good to stop and give thanks for the little things. Like, isn't it nice that wrinkles don't hurt.

  • It's important to have a twinkle in your wrinkle.

  • It's like deja vu all over again. - Yogi Berra

  • It's never too soon or too late to build for your future. Remember your future is only a day away. - Raulph Waldo Emerson

  • It's not the age it's the attitude!

  • It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker.

  • It's tough to make predictions, especially about the future. - Yogi Berra

  • Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

  • Laughter is an instant vacation. You should go often.

  • Laughter is the best medicine.

  • Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself. True progress is when you make newer, bigger, better mistakes and the next guy learns from them.

  • Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

  • Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally warn out, and proclaiming, `WOW, what a ride!!!'

  • Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

  • Life is ours to be spent, not to be saved. - D.H. Lawrence

  • A little gray hair is a small price to pay for this much WISDOM.

  • The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life. - Muhammad Ali

  • Maturity begins when we're content to be right about something without finding it necessary to prove that someone else is wrong. - Barbara Johnson

  • May your retirement be filled with relaxing sunsets, cool drinks, and sand between your toes.

  • Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

  • My doctor says I'm in the first stages of Fossilization.

  • My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

  • My mind is like a steel, um, um, whatchamacallit!

  • My random recall is a little too random.

  • My wild oats have turned into prunes and All-Bran.

  • Of course I live in the past … it's a lot cheaper there!

  • Old age comes at an inconvenient time.

  • "OLD" IS WHEN…Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs" and you answer, "Yep I could use a nap about now."
    "OLD" IS WHEN…Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.
    "OLD" IS WHEN…A gorgeous girl catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door
    "OLD" IS WHEN…You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
    "OLD" IS WHEN…You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.
    "OLD" IS WHEN…"Getting some action" means I don't need to take any fiber today
    "OLD" IS WHEN…"Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.

  • Old time rock and roll - Bob Seager

  • Once over the hill, you pick up speed.

  • One worthwhile task carried to a successful conclusion is better than half-a-hundred half-finished tasks. - B. C. Forbes

  • Out of estrogen!!! Next mood swing: 2 minutes

  • The past should be a springboard, not a hammock. - Irven Ball

  • Pretty, Witty, and Wise

  • Proud Of Being Older
    First ~ Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
    Second ~ The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
    Third ~ Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.
    Fourth ~ When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
    Fifth ~ You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
    Sixth ~ I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.
    Seventh ~ One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.
    Eighth ~ One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.
    Ninth ~ Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
    Tenth ~ Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it's called golf
    And finally ~ If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you are old.

  • The purpose of life is to live it, to taste, experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for a newer and nicer experience. - Eleanor Roosevelt

  • Relax, refresh, recharge, renew, revive, and rediscover yourself!

  • Retired (def.) - I was tired yesterday and I'm tired again today.

  • Retired, Earned it, Living it, Loving it

  • Rush hour? What rush hour - I'm in no rush - I'm retired.

  • Senility Prayer
    Dear God,
    Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked,
    The good fortune to run into the people I do like,
    And the eyesight to tell the difference.

  • Senior Discount!! I'm so old you should pay me just to be here!!

  • Senior Version of My Favorite Things

    Maalox and nose drops and needles for knitting,
    Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,
    Bundles of magazines tied up in string,
    These are a few of my favorite things.

    Cadillac's and cataracts, and hearing aids and glasses,
    Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses,
    Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,
    These are a few of my favorite things..

    When the pipes leak, When the bones creak,
    When the knees go bad,
    I simply remember my favorite things,
    And then I don't feel so bad.

    Hot tea and crumpets and corn pads for bunions,
    No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,
    Bathrobes and heating pads and hot meals they bring,
    These are a few of my favorite things.

    Back pains, confused brains, and no need for sinnin',
    Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin',
    And we won't mention our short, shrunken frames,
    When we remember our favorite things.

    When the joints ache, When the hips break,
    When the eyes grow dim,
    Then I remember the great life I've had,
    And then I don't feel so bad.

  • A Simpler Life

  • Snow Birds (People who go to the warmer climate in the winter)

  • Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

  • Sometimes my mind wanders. Other times it disappears completely.

  • Spring Chicken - You're no Spring Chicken

  • There is nothing like a dream to create the future. - Victor Hugo

  • There is plenty of Zippity left in the old Doo Dah!!

  • These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief."

  • Time flashes before your eyes

  • Time passes much too quickly

  • Tomorrow is the most important thing in life. Come into us at midnight very clean. It's perfect when it arrives and it puts itself in our hands. It hopes we've learned something from yesterday. - John Wayne

  • The tragedy of life doesn't lie in not reaching your goal. The tragedy lies in having no goal to reach. - Benjamin Mays

  • Warning!!! Retired Person - Moves slowly - Naps Often

  • Warning - When I Am An Old Woman I Shall Wear Purple
    with a red hat that doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.
    And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
    and satin candles, and say we've no money for butter.
    I shall sit down on the pavement when I am tired
    and gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
    And run my stick along the public railings
    and make up for the sobriety of my youth.
    I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
    and pick the flowers in other people's gardens and learn to spit.
    You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
    and eat three pounds of sausages at a go
    or only bread and pickles for a week
    And hoard pens and pencils and beer nuts and things in boxes.
    But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
    and pay our rent and not swear in the street
    and set a good example for the children.
    We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.
    But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
    So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
    When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple and red.

    - Jenny Joseph, anthem of the red hat lady's group

  • We do not stop playing because we are old; We grow old because we stop playing.

  • We may be seniors but…

    Senior citizens are constantly being criticized for every conceivable deficiency of the modern world, real or imaginary. We know we take responsibility for all we have done and do not blame others. HOWEVER, upon reflection, we would like to point out that it was NOT the senior citizens who took:
    The melody out of music,
    The pride out of appearance,
    The courtesy out of driving,
    The romance out of love,
    The commitment out of marriage,
    The responsibility out of parenthood,
    The togetherness out of the family,
    The learning out of education,
    The service out of patriotism,
    The Golden Rule from rulers,
    The nativity scene out of cities,
    The civility out of behavior,
    The refinement out of language,
    The dedication out of employment,
    The prudence out of spending,
    The ambition out of achievement,
    or, God out of everyones life,
    And we certainly are NOT the ones who eliminated patience and tolerance from personal relationships and interactions with others!!
    And, we do understand the meaning of patriotism, and remember those who have fought and died for our country with pomp and ceremony.

  • We're off like a herd of turtle.

  • Wise Words : Live, Imagine, Giggle, Forgive, Love, Behave, Create, Simplify, Produce, Dream, Hope, Joy, Love, Faith, Blessings, Encourage, Praise, Love

  • You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream. - C.S. Lewis

  • You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get OLD. - George Burns

  • You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing.

  • You have to have a dream so you can get up in the morning.
    - Billy Wilder (1906-2002), American Film Director)

  • You're getting old when …
    ~ The five pounds you wanted to lose is now 15, and you have a better chance of losing your keys than the 15 pounds. (Now that I mention it, where are my keys?)
    ~ Everything old is new again, but if you wore it before, you're too old to wear it the 2nd time around!
    ~ Most of the people in People Magazine you've never heard of.
    ~ Now that your husband has retired … you start looking for a job!
    ~ Remember when your mother said “Wear clean underwear in case you GET in an accident”? Now you bring clean underwear in case you HAVE an accident!
    ~ When people say you look “Great”…they add “for your age”!
    ~ When you needed the discount you paid full price. Now you get discounts on everything…movies, hotels….flights.
    ~ You don't have hair under your arms and very little on your legs but your chin needs to be plucked daily!
    ~ You realize you're never going to be really good at anything…especially golf.
    ~ You use more 4 letter words…”what?”…”when?” ???
    ~ You used to say, “I hope my kids GET married” … Now, “ I hope they STAY married!”
    ~ Your kids are becoming you…and you don't like them! but your grandchildren are perfect!
    ~ Your concealer doesn't conceal. Your lipstick bleeds. Your mascara clumps and your eyebrows are disappearing.
    ~ Your husband is counting on you to remember things you don't remember.
    ~ Your husband sleeps better on a lounge chair with the TV blaring then he does in bed. It's called his “pre-sleep”
    ~ What used to be freckles are now liver spots.

Where should you retire?

Phoenix Arizona:
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that " dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!

1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought

New York City:
1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is "nature".
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
5. You've worn out a car horn.
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.

The Deep South:
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. "y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin'" is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, MARY BETH, etc.

1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

The Mid West:
1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"

1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people.

Fun Facts:
One hundred years ago -- What a difference a century makes!

- The average life expectancy in the U.S. Was 47 years old.

- Only 14 percent of the homes in the U.S. Had a bathtub.

- Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone.

- A three-minute call from Denver to New York City cost eleven dollars.

- There were only 8,000 cars in the U.S., and only 144 miles of paved roads.

- The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.

- Alabama, Mississippi, Iowa, and Tennessee were each more heavily populated than California. With a mere 1.4 million people, California was only the 21st most populous state in the Union.

- The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower!

- The average wage in the U.S. was 22 cents per hour.

- The average U.S. Worker made between $200 and $400 per year. A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year, A dentist made $2,500 per year, A veterinarian $1,500 per year, And a mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year. !

- More than 95 percent of all births in the U.S. Took place at HOME.

- Ninety percent of all U. S. Doctors had NO COLLEGE EDUCATION! Instead, they attended so-called medical schools, many of which were condemned in the press AND the government as "substandard."

- Sugar cost four cents a pound. Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen. Coffee was fifteen cents a pound

- Most women only washed their hair once a month, and used Borax or egg yolks for shampoo.

- Canada passed a law that prohibited poor people from entering into their country for any reason.

- Five leading causes of death in the U.S. Were:
1. Pneumonia and influenza
2. Tuberculosis
3. Diarrhea
4. Heart disease
5. Stroke

- The American flag had 45 stars. Arizona, Oklahoma, New Mexico, Hawaii, and Alaska hadn't been admitted to the Union yet.

- The population of Las Vegas, Nevada, was only 30!!!!

- Crossword puzzles, canned beer, and ice tea hadn't been invented yet.

- There was no Mother's Day or Father's Day.

- Two out of every 10 U.S. Adults couldn't read or write.

- Only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated from high school.

- Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at the local corner drugstores. Back then pharmacists said, "Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind, regulates the stomach and bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect guardian of health."

- There were about 230 reported Murders in the ENTIRE U.S.A. !